you are not useless

[chloe]

trying to find my place

it may not be here where i feel safe

Chloe had to be losing her mind. She had no clue what was going on at this point. All she knew for certain was that she must be losing it. Her mind wasn’t with her anymore. She wasn’t herself. Her step father came to see her and had a few words to say to her just before dragging her to an AA meeting. It wasn’t like she didn’t recognize the fact that she had a problem. Pft! She knew the day Nate dragged her to the hospital emergency room that she had a problem. But she was mad that he didn’t even realize why she did the things she did. All he saw was that his step daughter was turning into her mother. Didn’t he get that her mother was the reason she was the way she was? Ok, some British hotshot was really the reason she was an alcoholic, but her mother did play a role. Had Chloe been treated better maybe she wouldn’t be in the situation she was in. No one ever thought of that, though. The general consensus was that she was reckless and needed help.

Today was one of those days she was seeking help. She really only went because of her step father. Chloe really did care about him. The first meeting she went to on her own hadn’t gone so well. She was embarrassed to admit that some guy she didn’t even know introduced her to alcohol and helped her along this road. She also hated admitting that some guy drug her to the emergency room because she was out of it. The members of the group who had been there for a while sympathized and told her she would be just fine and ok. It wasn’t as though she didn’t believe them. She just wasn’t sure if she really would be able to be helped as quickly as her family wanted her to be.

Chloe sighed heavily and took a seat on the bench waiting for the bus out of Port Angeles and into Forks. That was another thing her step father had done for her. He took away her car. At least he let her keep the apartment, mostly because she worked for half the rent and utilities. This was ridiculous and she was angry. Sure, she understood his reasoning and knew she needed to get her mind straight, but did he really have to take her means of transportation from her? He was treating her like a child. She was a full grown adult. This was ridiculous. She sighed, though. This was for her own good…supposedly. She would have to deal with. She’d charge through it! She’d make it better if the stupid bus would get here already. She wasn’t really that big of a fan of bus riding. This was the reason why. They never came when she wanted them to. Then again, she had absolutely no patience for anything these days, considering she was stopping her drinking. It was rough. This bus wasn’t helping.

TAG !? kali
WORD COUNT !? 506
GRAPHICS !? by BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED
LOCATION !? city outskirts
WEARING !? this
LYRICS !? misguided ghosts ;; paramore
CREDITS !? <33 @ CAUTION 2.0
NOTES !?

[kalisunshine]

Kali was out shopping, these little trips were the only times she ever remembers, they were the only times she was sober. She chose to shop sober because of the one time that she didn't. She came out of all the stores she went to with some extremely goofed up clothes that rested in her closet for all eternity until she cleaned them out to give away to charity. Shopping was probably the second addiction that Kali had next to her pills. Her closet was over filled and desperately needed some cleaning out sometime soon, but she couldn't bring herself to do it, she loved every article of clothing she owned dearly and some of them hadn't even been worn once. Kali shook her head, what a sad thought.

Kali loved being sober almost as much as she loved being drugged. The pills took away the elements of herself and made her very numb. Being sober let her remember what she used to be like before she was introduced to her 'best friend' at a party. These thoughts always made her shudder, she hated who she had become, such a pointless waste of space. Truth was, there was no excuse for what she did, she did it because she wanted to escape from the everyday stresses of life. It wasn't like her parents did anything to her to make her do the things she did, or that she was suffering internally from a harsh break up or anything of that nature, she enjoyed the thought of being numb so that she couldn't let anyone inside her head long enough to hurt her, or her feelings. If she was messed up on the pills she had no feelings, which was exactly how she liked it, truth of the matter was, she needed help.

Finally, six stores and five bags later, Kali decided to catch the bus back to forks. She wrecked her car and was anxiously waiting for it to get out of the shop with all the repairs done. She sat down next to a girl who looked to be around her age and seemed to be struggling with her thought just as much as Kali. "Hello." Kali wasn't even sure why she felt such a need to strike up conversation with a complete stranger but she couldn't help but be curious of this girl's concentrated face, Not to mention, Kali adored her style. Kali layed down all six of the bags next to her feet which were planted on the ground her back straight and her head toward the girl next to her waiting to see if she could talk to a complete stranger as well.

TAG: Chloe
WORD COUNT: 436
NOTES: sorry it's short...

[chloe]

trying to find my place

it may not be here where i feel safe

Chloe felt so withdrawn from the world. Her life came tumbling down before her. The broken remains rested at her feet. All she could do was stare in sadness and disbelief at the things she had caused. She wanted everything to go back to a time when things were so much easier, even if those times were when she was locked up tightly in room playing with her dolls and having tea parties with her imaginary friends. Chloe may have felt alone and as though no one loved her, but at least she was happy with just what she had. No one messed with her. She wasn’t a crazy alcoholic or druggie that was bound to get in trouble. If things were still like that, she wouldn’t even be going to meetings and rehabilitation sessions. She would just be herself, no limits with no one in her world. She would have been fine with that. Then again she wouldn’t have met Nate either if she wasn’t the way she was now.

But she wasn’t sure that was a good thing. Chloe hadn’t really spoken to Nate since the night at the hospital. He called to make sure she was ok and that she was getting the help she needed, but passed that, conversation died. She couldn’t blame him. She was the kind of person parents warned their children of. She was the person parents were ashamed to say their children were. It was scary. She wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t want to associate with her. Nate had a younger sister that Chloe was not a good influence for. It was funny how they didn’t talk much, but she knew that, right? They had to talk a little, but she ignored that fact because that would mean admitting someone could like her despite her problems. It wasn’t that she didn’t like that, she just didn’t want to have feelings for someone and then be disappointed in the end. That was why she fooled herself into thinking that no one really cared about her or ever could. When she did it that way, feelings weren’t hurt. Rather, her feelings weren’t hurt.

Out of nowhere, a girl joined her. Chloe wasn’t sure when she got there or how long she had been there. She had been too lost in thought. The only thing she knew was that the girl said hello. That was what brought out of her train of thought. She looked at the girl for a little bit, trying to process thoughts. She wasn’t very good at this meeting people thing. She was much better at it if they didn’t have to see her. She didn’t know how to communicate with people. She lacked those skills unless she was exchanging letters with someone. She figured she could do amazingly well with a pen pal. Face to face could be something different. ”Hello,” Chloe nodded, ”Been shopping?” The question was very rhetorical. She was simply pointing out that she had taken notice to the bags.

TAG !? kali
WORD COUNT !? 504
GRAPHICS !? by BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED
LOCATION !? city outskirts
WEARING !? this
LYRICS !? misguided ghosts ;; paramore
CREDITS !? <33 @ CAUTION 2.0
NOTES !?